Posted in For the love of food, For the love of the body, Goal Setting, Just Me, Personal Development, Positivity, This is MY YEAR

I’ll take it

I am dipping my toes back in the water and thought if I’m finding it hard staying on track then I should at least weigh in and let you know how I am going. 

Things are getting better, my eye is clearing up and the rest of the family are down to snotty noses. That I can cope with. 

I think I need a bit of a lifestyle change. Five hours of broken sleep a night is really not working for me. I keep banging on about going to bed earlier but it never happens. Before I know it I’m looking at 10pm then I get myself ready for bed Willow wakes for a feed and I’m hitting the pillow at 11. It’s something I’ve struggled with post babies, cherishing that me time of the evening a little too much. Now I’m actually losing my memory and all round motivation, I need to get strict on myself. Go to bed Kate! Dan is always saying this to me and of course I am naturally defiant. You’re not the boss of me!!! I’m such a grown up but if I actually start listening to my body and mind (totally losing it) then I should be a grown up and go to bed early. In no time at all, I feel like I’m dreaming here, Willow will give me a full nights sleep. 

Loss this week: 200g

Loss so far: 13.4kg

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Posted in For the love of food, For the love of the body, Goal Setting, Personal Development, Positivity, This is MY YEAR

Can chocolate answer all of life’s problems?

Hello friends, this is not the end of the world. 

I went and had a chat with a friend yesterday who is doing awesome and keeping it together diet wise in a difficult situation. 

I was inspired, excited by the possibility of health and being on track towards my weight loss goals. 

Then I went home and dug in to a block of chocolate. 

What’s going on with me????

I’m not going to be too hard on myself because to be honest I’m having a fairly crap time coping with a fair whack of continuous broken sleep. But I’m also recognising that I’m riding a downward spiral that only ends with weight gain. Something I have been avoiding while I make myself ‘feel better’ about life through sugar. I wish I was there, I wish I could say ‘oh man! I was so tired so I just went for a run to rejuvenate myself’ I’m sure people do that. Don’t they????

So what am I doing?

I’m making sure I have healthy breakfasts. This morning it was cooked oats with soy milk, grated apple, cinnamon and Greek yoghurt.  Delicious. 

I’m saying no!!! To pizza. Menulog you were my main man in my time of need. There was no human contact or cash exchange. I mean the pizza was free right? But we are over it’s time to get the cook on. 

Making it easy. 

I’m not a food prepper and I’m not one to do a big weekly shop. Half week at best. Sometimes my ever ending trips to the supermarket get interrupted by the little ones. I always need a go to easy as recipe on hand. 

Soup, vegetarian spagghetti bolognaise, spinach and riccota canneloni/pasta, salad plate, eggs on toast. Whatever is in the cupboard. Anything but pizza (unless it’s homemade). 

I want to come back before it’s too late and I’m far too deep in to my gaining cycle. Being more self aware of my previous behaviour is helping me to get back on track to success. 

No one ever said it was going to be easy. 

Posted in For the love of food, For the love of the body, Goal Setting, This is MY YEAR

Can the hole get any deeper?

July brought with it a feast of sickness topped with an eye infection for me. 

Back to back anti biotics and a big dose of feeling so so has given my weight loss journey a back seat. 

This is not me done yet! I have temporarily raised the white flag and given in to the desire to rest and heal. 

I will be back soon I promise. 

Weight loss for July: 600g

Posted in For the love of food, For the love of the body, Goal Setting, Personal Development, Positivity, This is MY YEAR, Writing

When to start writing lists? 

You are going to laugh, I sat through the whole documentary of the CrossFit World Games. I was interested in what goes on behind those incredibly fit bodies. Who are these people and how do they devote and focus so heavily on one thing, themselves. I’m not saying that is a bad thing either it is a true discipline. One that I lack. 

It made me come up with a list of what I need to do to get to my goal weight. It’s very simple. 

Cook

Eat

Exercise

Sleep

Repeat

Combine this with doing the Mum thing (most of my time) housework, shopping (God my life sounds interesting) and socialising. There is little free time. That free time is when I actually combat all of those things on my list. The Mum thing I am consistent with ­čÖé

What I tend to do is get caught up. Tiredness sets in which leads me to watching too much TV, the Facebook sucks me in, the wheels start to fall off and things get messy. Then the stress sets in and I do a lot in a very small window of time. Speed cleaning, it’s magical. 

This week I am prioritising my list over TV and The Facebook. I have been reading my book and the relaxation it brings me versus the screen is incredible. I want to make the little free time I have more beneficial. 

Weight loss this week: 600g

Weight loss so far: 14.2kg

I’ve changed to Saturday weigh in as I found myself letting myself go on Friday’s. 

Posted in For the love of food, For the love of the body, Goal Setting, Just Me, Personal Development, Positivity, This is MY YEAR

We’ve Got This┬á

The three words I spat out as I looked up at my husband while in the final stage of labour, we’ve got this. Next I know I’ve got our little Willow passed up to me, it was empowering, we have this.

I’VE GOT THIS!

Just before I pushed her out (sorry don’t  go to any visuals) I kept having false starts. Pushing, pushing, pushing then I’d freak the feck out because I was afraid. I didn’t even have a Panadol in my system, the gas was out of reach and I sure as hell wasn’t willing or able to crawl to it at this stage. There was nothing between me and that pain, why did I do this to myself?

My amazing midwife lent down beside my head and said ‘I know you’re scared, it is going to hurt but you are only a matter of minutes away from meeting your beautiful baby’.

We’ve got this followed by something far more intense than I have ever felt in my life and she was there. In my arms crying away. 

I am getting my reassuring voice ready because I need to take charge. There are 24 weeks left of the year, it wont be easy, possibly even painful but I need to think of all the amazing rewards at the end. Fitness, health, new clothes a new lease on life and more confidence.

I’VE GOT THIS

Weight loss this week: 200g

Weight loss so far: 13.6kg

Posted in For the love of food, For the love of the body, Goal Setting, Parenthood, Personal Development, This is MY YEAR

When is too much too much?

My gorgeous friend called me out of the blue the other day. Isn’t it funny that most calls are out of the blue now, texting is way more convenient. Anyway she called me and said the most precious thing ‘ I was thinking about you, one of my colleagues has post natal depression and I was having a meeting with her and it made me wonder if you were okay?’ My body instantly went on the defense like does she think I’m not coping? Do I seem depressed? But she was just caring and I thought it was wonderful. ‘I am okay I reassured her, life is hectic and can be stressful but that is having kids’.  Okay I may have blubbered on a bit (a lot) more than that. 

Sometimes you might ask your friend and they might not be okay and that’s where you become very useful. You have been trusted in to the sanctum of their reality. We spend so much time pretending everything is all fine and dandy when really life is bloody hard. Even though it sucks and you feel like you are drowning it is okay to feel like you are not coping. 

The last couple of weeks have been a continuation of pattern for me. It’s frustrating to acknowledge but something I need to confront because I don’t want to completely unravel. 

In being kind to myself I am being unkind. I am at the peak of sleep deprivation and have stoppped exercising enough. I’ve also been chasing sugar and carbs like a woman possessed. I’m not winning and I had a terrible time dealing with the idea of hopping on the scales but it’s done now. I want to wrap myself up in a winter blanket and keep indulging because damn it! I feel I deserve it. 

My goal far outweighs this tiredness. I need to find a way to keep myself in check and have a back up plan for that inevitable tired day when shopping and cooking seems too hard (most days). Prepping for the week seems impossible as finding a massive block of time that isn’t there doesn’t really work. This is where I’m falling apart. It all seems too hard. 

My kindness to myself this week. The one variable I can control. My bedtime. Even though I want to watch my shows and relax a bit without the kids I think giving myself another hour before midnight will make a world of difference. So I shall add that on to reading a book which was my goal from last week. Trust me I’ll get there. 

Weight gain this week: 200g

Weight loss so far: 13.4kg

What time do you go to bed/wake up? 

Posted in For the love of food, For the love of the body, Goal Setting, Personal Development, Positivity, This is MY YEAR

How to make happiness happen!

Following on from my previous post I have come to the conclusion that I am a little bit lost. Okay, maybe a lot lost. Since having the girls I’ve changed and I’m not really sure what in to yet. Maybe a pumpkin? a carriage? Too much Cinderella. 

Once upon a time life was all about Dan and I then all of a sudden it was all about Matisse and now Willow. Who we were, our lifestyle, gone. I’m not complaining, the girls mean the world to me and they bring me every bit of happiness. What I’m talking about is the happiness I give to myself. 

What I do for me currently:

Focus on my health and fitness

Writing in this blog

Cooking (I’m starting to enjoy it!)

– I think I need more but time is a bit of an issue at the moment. 

On Sunday I went clothes shopping. I couldn’t stand looking at my baggy jeans any longer so I picked up a few pairs of fitted jeans and a couple of tops. I want to feel good about how I look and whenever I looked in the mirror at those daggy baggy jeans I wasn’t seeing a positive reflection. It’s amazing how shopping for yourself can feel so good when you have been neglecting that aspect for so long. I felt as if any time I went shopping for myself in the past I’d come out with something for the girls.  

My happiness focus this week is reading. I am going to read a WHOLE book. I’ve got to finish reading the one I’ve been reading for about four months first! 

What do you do to make yourself happy? 

Weight loss this week: 1Kg

Weight loss so far: 13.6Kg

Posted in Parenthood, Personal Development, Positivity, This is MY YEAR

What makes me happy?

It’s such a loaded heading but it’s something I’ve been deliberating on a fair bit. 

The past year has brought on an era of change. 

We have become a family of four and recently we relinquished our cherished apartment to another loving owner. Realistically it’s an investor who doesn’t give two hoots so that makes me a bit sad. 

I met Dan when I was twenty two, just a baby and we committed right from the get go. When he left after our first date I knew I wanted him in my life. Later that year we moved in to our apartment and that was us for the next eight years. 

It was little but it was ours and it’s where our love grew, where we challenged each other everyday, drank far too much wine and where I proposed. 

We came home on our wedding night figuring why would we want to be anywhere else but our own little place where we grew as us. 

One single, one double and a Masters degree were celebrated in Simpson Manor. Many late nights celebrating life, cementing forever friendships over just one more drink, long walks and bike rides followed by coffee and brunch. 

Then our first pregnancy was confirmed. 

Simpson Manor you will be our gem  forever. 

Where to now? We have become grown up with two beings relying on us. If I focus on what made us happy it might help to work out what happens next. 

To be continued….

Posted in For the love of food, For the love of the body, Goal Setting, Parenthood, Personal Development, Relationship, This is MY YEAR

Accountability 

I’ve had a rubbish week. We’ve all been sick, Willow isn’t sleeping and I’ve got this non stop sense of absolute doom. 

When everything is down you feel down, when the planets are aligning you feel like lightning. 

Where is the middle ground? 

I hit double figures and took myself off to see the family interstate. I’ve come back and instead of falling on my feet I’m dwelling on the fact that I miss everyone already. 

Life sucks but I should be able to get around this without sabotaging myself. Well the layers have kept piling on top of each other and I’ve avoided every possible crutch available to me. TIFFXO has an array of resources available yet I’m not reaching out. I’m self medicating with food and although not at the level that I was previously it really messes with you when you start mistreating your body. 

What is going through my head right now?

If I start back on the program again I can’t eat whatever I want. 

I need some motivation

To refocus

What are my goals?

Why am I doing this? 

What is it going to take to get me there?

One foot in front of the other. This is my first step. Admitting I am in trouble. Second step. I’m going press play, exercise and do the food shopping. 

With all of us sick and tired it’s only natural to drop the ball a bit. Food shopping and eating has been secondary. Now I have to re-establish the routine to make next week a better one. 

I’m resetting now. 

Weight loss this week: 700g

Weight loss so far: 12.6Kg

Addit: I wrote this pre weigh in and I’m very surprised at the loss. Maybe I’m not eating as much as I think. It definitely goes to show that nutrition can affect your mindset and how your body feels. I wasn’t eating clean so even though I was losing weight I still felt yuck. 

Posted in Entertainment, Holiday, Parenthood, Positivity, This is MY YEAR, Too Much Fun!

Was it worth it? Better late than never

Well my last minute dash interstate was amazing. I got to see some of my family and friends but better than that I set myself something to do that was difficult and because I wanted it so much the difficulty did not matter. 

So what was so difficult?

I drove with a three year old and six month old by myself!!! for 12 hours!!!!

MADNESS. 

Absolute madness. 

One and a half hours in to the trip we did a petrol/pee/feed Willow/snack and stretch stop. The moment I was on the toilet watching my three year old hold on to the baby I thought maybe, just maybe it was all too much. I’d spoken to the motel concierge who chirpily informed me Knill was 4.5 hours max away. Add another two hours and we made it. Half way done. 

The stops were varied

‘Mum, I don’t want this movie anymore’ 

Along with 

‘Mum I don’t want this movie anymore’

Oh and two poosplosions. 

The single bed Willow and I shared dipped in the middle so with my fear of smothering her, sleep was secondary. In hindsight I should have slept with Matisse and left Willow to herself. The lack of hotel rooms gave us two single beds. These girls did not make it work. 

The motel concierge made this stop worth it. He was a gem or a gem collector. They were everywhere. He sold artifacts with one being a random dinosaur out the front. It would make for a wonderful movie set.  

One more poosplosions and the ‘are we at Nanna and Pa’s yet?’ question starting 30 minutes in to our second leg. Five and a half hours later we dragged ourselves inside to find Mum baking. Bliss. 

Well, I felt like I needed a bit of a holiday after that mission. 

And a holiday I had. 

Weight loss this week: 100g

Weight loss to date: 11.9Kg