Hello magic eight ball, what will bring me eternal happiness and enlightenment?
Crickets, I hear them
I have had a challenging time of late and my coping mechanisms have been down.
I haven’t been sleeping and this has adversely made the whole of my world feel like it is falling apart.
It all sounds so dramatic. Last Tuesday I woke up to my beautiful babe lying next to me, reaching her little hand out to touch me and reaffirm that I was there. This melts me every time, Willow you are my number one littlest baby and it is a joy to wake up to you at this time. Every other time of the night not so much.
I heard some terrible news and then the day seemed to fall apart. Matisse went to town on making a hard morning harder and I crashed and burned. Eight months of broken sleep seemed to envelope my being. I didn’t think I could do it anymore. The tears wouldn’t stop and every time I thought about moving forward with my day I seemed to be dragged back in to negativity.
I called at least seven of my friends and family. Some of them I informed that I was struggling, others I just needed to hear their voices. It was my circle and something that magically made the looming negativity of the day float seamlessly away.
Sharing my story showed me that my feelings were universal. I am not alone and put simply there is nothing wrong with me, this is my minds way of telling me that I need to sleep more and that it is okay to feel overwhelmed. I really thought it was more, that I was losing my mind but it was fleeting and thankfully the hopelessness faded.
I am not in the least the worst off in the world. There are people living on far less sleep than me and coping or able to hide their feelings a lot better than me. I wondered why can’t I be like that? Truth is most people have their moments but it’s rare that those moments are talked about. Would you have guessed, I’m a talker!
Today I have gone and had 90 sweet, sweet minutes to myself. I got a massive chop and a bit of sparkle put back in to my eyes. I feel rejuvenated and ready to take on Father’s Day weekend, I mean he tries to claim a month but considering he has taken a long weekend I’ll give him the three days. We are off to the snow tomorrow (if there is any left) what are you guys up to?