My gorgeous friend called me out of the blue the other day. Isn’t it funny that most calls are out of the blue now, texting is way more convenient. Anyway she called me and said the most precious thing ‘ I was thinking about you, one of my colleagues has post natal depression and I was having a meeting with her and it made me wonder if you were okay?’ My body instantly went on the defense like does she think I’m not coping? Do I seem depressed? But she was just caring and I thought it was wonderful. ‘I am okay I reassured her, life is hectic and can be stressful but that is having kids’. Okay I may have blubbered on a bit (a lot) more than that.
Sometimes you might ask your friend and they might not be okay and that’s where you become very useful. You have been trusted in to the sanctum of their reality. We spend so much time pretending everything is all fine and dandy when really life is bloody hard. Even though it sucks and you feel like you are drowning it is okay to feel like you are not coping.
The last couple of weeks have been a continuation of pattern for me. It’s frustrating to acknowledge but something I need to confront because I don’t want to completely unravel.
In being kind to myself I am being unkind. I am at the peak of sleep deprivation and have stoppped exercising enough. I’ve also been chasing sugar and carbs like a woman possessed. I’m not winning and I had a terrible time dealing with the idea of hopping on the scales but it’s done now. I want to wrap myself up in a winter blanket and keep indulging because damn it! I feel I deserve it.
My goal far outweighs this tiredness. I need to find a way to keep myself in check and have a back up plan for that inevitable tired day when shopping and cooking seems too hard (most days). Prepping for the week seems impossible as finding a massive block of time that isn’t there doesn’t really work. This is where I’m falling apart. It all seems too hard.
My kindness to myself this week. The one variable I can control. My bedtime. Even though I want to watch my shows and relax a bit without the kids I think giving myself another hour before midnight will make a world of difference. So I shall add that on to reading a book which was my goal from last week. Trust me I’ll get there.
Weight gain this week: 200g
Weight loss so far: 13.4kg
What time do you go to bed/wake up?