Perfect day to get out planting!!!
Perfect day to get out planting!!!
It’s such a loaded heading but it’s something I’ve been deliberating on a fair bit.
The past year has brought on an era of change.
We have become a family of four and recently we relinquished our cherished apartment to another loving owner. Realistically it’s an investor who doesn’t give two hoots so that makes me a bit sad.
I met Dan when I was twenty two, just a baby and we committed right from the get go. When he left after our first date I knew I wanted him in my life. Later that year we moved in to our apartment and that was us for the next eight years.
It was little but it was ours and it’s where our love grew, where we challenged each other everyday, drank far too much wine and where I proposed.
We came home on our wedding night figuring why would we want to be anywhere else but our own little place where we grew as us.
One single, one double and a Masters degree were celebrated in Simpson Manor. Many late nights celebrating life, cementing forever friendships over just one more drink, long walks and bike rides followed by coffee and brunch.
Then our first pregnancy was confirmed.
Simpson Manor you will be our gem forever.
Where to now? We have become grown up with two beings relying on us. If I focus on what made us happy it might help to work out what happens next.
To be continued….
This morning as my child screamed for her blanket as I drove down the driveway I wondered when she learnt to expect to get everything she wants.
Do we spoil her? Let her run loose? Why is she like this? I was experiencing deep regret. Why did I let so much slide or did I? Is this normal?
So many questions.
It made me wonder what I have done to influence her behaviours. One thing we have been a lot of lately is being tired and grumpy.
We’ve been grouchy Mum and Dad and it doesn’t make me happy. Doing this makes her think that it is okay to act grouchy towards others.
I’m not aiming for some Fluffy detergent commercial style harmony but I’m over the grumpy.
It made me bring a comparison between my work and home life. I’m very big on a positive work culture. Respect the people around you. Make them and their contribution feel valued. Ensure they feel listened to and encourage them to grow and build independence.
Changing my perspective is key by the sounds of things. We all need to work together in this family to not only get everyone to bed by 7:15 each night, but to do it harmoniously and without broken blood vessels and overworked voice boxes.
One of the biggest triggers for disharmony is when she doesn’t listen. If Dan is around he will pipe up and ask her to listen to me, it all kind of goes in circles. Pointless and annoying. Then it escalates and a tantrum comes forth rapidly. Discipline drops in. Non compliance equals the stairs. Further non compliance equals the bedroom. We have a full steam kicking, screaming three-year old taken to her bedroom followed by doors being slammed then more kicking and tears.
The demands for a cuddle are at an all time high but only on her terms. We must cuddle in a particular place and without Willow. By this stage Mum is terribly exhausted.
It doesn’t seem like we are getting anywhere because the tantrums keep on happening.
Do you have any methods of keeping a sense of calm in your home? Do you have a way to get your child to listen without getting to the tantrum stage?
Well my last minute dash interstate was amazing. I got to see some of my family and friends but better than that I set myself something to do that was difficult and because I wanted it so much the difficulty did not matter.
So what was so difficult?
I drove with a three year old and six month old by myself!!! for 12 hours!!!!
One and a half hours in to the trip we did a petrol/pee/feed Willow/snack and stretch stop. The moment I was on the toilet watching my three year old hold on to the baby I thought maybe, just maybe it was all too much. I’d spoken to the motel concierge who chirpily informed me Knill was 4.5 hours max away. Add another two hours and we made it. Half way done.
The stops were varied
‘Mum, I don’t want this movie anymore’
‘Mum I don’t want this movie anymore’
Oh and two poosplosions.
The single bed Willow and I shared dipped in the middle so with my fear of smothering her, sleep was secondary. In hindsight I should have slept with Matisse and left Willow to herself. The lack of hotel rooms gave us two single beds. These girls did not make it work.
The motel concierge made this stop worth it. He was a gem or a gem collector. They were everywhere. He sold artifacts with one being a random dinosaur out the front. It would make for a wonderful movie set.
One more poosplosions and the ‘are we at Nanna and Pa’s yet?’ question starting 30 minutes in to our second leg. Five and a half hours later we dragged ourselves inside to find Mum baking. Bliss.
Well, I felt like I needed a bit of a holiday after that mission.
And a holiday I had.
Today a news article struck a chord with me. The ABC has a documentary series targeting waste. The reporter was in the middle of a shopping mall with six thousand kilograms of discarded fashion and textiles. He asked the crowd how long they thought it took Australians to dispose of this amount of waste. The answers ranged from days to hours but the answer was mere minutes, 10 minutes to be precise. We live in a consumerist society and it made me question my own choices.
The article suggests that having more makes you purchase more. Why would we want more if we have enough? Because your cupboards are so full of stuff that you forget you have it. This got me thinking. Why do we need so much? I put this with why do I feel the need to eat when I’m sad/angry/mad/happy? It isn’t a simple question. I turned to Netflix for help. Haha
I flicked to the Flix and on came Minimalism: A Documentary About The Important Things. Yes, they are the same guys from the podcast. They made it clear to me why I have this overarching discontentment when I sit in my lounge. My brain is perpetually overwhelmed. We have too much stuff!! How little some people live with is inspiring so I thought we’d get cracking on living a more minimalist existence.
First stop: getting rid of the photo albums. Not the pictures. We have technology to thank for the humble scanner button.
Second stop: The walk in robe. I decided to back myself and get rid of all of my summer clothes. By next summer they will be too big so to the charity bin they go. I found two tops of the same style that I never wear because they sit terribly. Why I purchased the second I don’t know. Anything I can’t feed Willow in, gone. It felt AMAZING!
Now to go through the kids stuff!! Less is the new more!
Happy Mother’s Day to all the gorgeous Mum’s of varying forms out there. I hope you have an incredible day.
Each day we are thankful to have these beautiful little beings in our lives. To see that learned action, cheeky smile, grown confidence or amazing kindness. It is there each day for us to enjoy as a Mum. Matisse is very big on telling us that she loves us at the moment and it is beautiful. Sometimes it’s because she is happy and wants to share the love, other times she has been naughty and it’s her way of saying sorry or smoothing things over. So I feel constant love and appreciation but Mother’s Day for me is special. Mostly because I get to ignore the hard bits and focus on the positive.
Waking Mum up with burnt toast, terribly strong coffee and a handmade gift. I understand. I can see my Mum’s bleary eyes waking up to this but her smile. I understand. She is seeing beauty and she is seeing love purely directed at her, no distractions as it’s her day and no matter what is brought to her at this time she knows. She is the most important person in the room right now.
Mum, I love you. I wish I could be serving you burnt toast this morning but I’m sure Dad will help me out there. You are the most important woman in my life and I thank you for everything you have done for me. Including the mass of washing you waded through on your last visit 😘 Even though I’m not there today I hope you feel my love beaming towards you. Happy Mother’s Day xx
This is the moment I became a Mum. I was going to edit the crap out of this pic but thought that it captured the 21hour labour perfectly. Pure joy mixed with absolutely physical devastation.
Dan came through the door as I was changing a nappy covered in a puddle of tears. I said five words I haven’t verbalised for quite some time. I CAN’T DO IT ANYMORE!
It’s not what you think either. I’m coping with the newborn it’s the three year old who I can’t seem to work through.
This age are notorious for having small attention spans. She stresses me out beyond belief with her inability to listen and her ability to do everything possible to be naughty.
How is it that two seems impossible? I had been warned about it being hectic and the first born often reacting badly to the new addition. Maybe this is her cry for attention.
It’s gotten to the point of this continuous dialogue increasing in volume as she cheekily says NO!
‘Matisse can you stop doing that please?
Matisse can you stop doing that please?
Matisse sit down with me’ (explain why I don’t want her to be doing what she is doing)
Continues to do whatever I don’t want her to be doing
Then there are tears and tantrums for 30 minutes.
Or there are the quick bursts of
STOP!STOP!STOP! And a big scream of STOP! At the end to top it off. That one happened last night as she was about to stomp on Willows head as she jumped on the bed. This is my reaction to a dangerous situation yet it is still ineffective.
I got her in to bed and she was happy as Larry when Dan got home to give her a goodnight cuddle. I wanted to be him for that moment.
As I unloaded on Dan it became painfully obvious my coping mechanisms were completely broken. Broke down long ago I feel. Getting to bed late and Willow waking a bit in the night wasn’t helping the situation. So I got told to go to bed.
I had nine hours sleep! And will be going to bed early from now on.
Now to work on my communication skills… how do I get her to listen without getting to the yelling stage? And how do I avoid the tantrums? Any advice would be appreciated because I am completely drained emotionally. I want to enjoy the time I have with her, not be telling her off all the time and have her rolling around on the ground crying.
Often stopping and asking her for a cuddle and telling her I love her works but sometimes I need her to learn that crossing the road with out an adult is not okay.
What are your suggestions? I’d love to hear of your experiences.
Easy as Coconut and Date Balls
3 cups shredded coconut
2 cups pitted dates
2 Tbsp natural peanut butter (optional)
1/2 Tbsp Cocoa
Whizz up the coconut and dates. Be careful not to burn your motor on your appliance as I have done. Do it in two batches. Add in the peanut butter. Roll in to balls. Swish around in a bowl with the cocoa. All in a jiffy. Easy as.
My sister told me a story about the dummy fairy coming one night and miraculously erasing them forever. Leaving a little present in her wake.It worked for her kids so why not give it a shot. To be honest I wasn’t overly confident.
Matisse thinks the world of her cousins so I sold her a story about when they got a little brother or sister they became big kids and didn’t need dummies any longer.
She ran with this and went and scooped all of them up around the house. Too easy. When going to bed she broke my heart saying ‘I’m sad, I have a dummy all of the time’. The enormity of the situation was made clear. Every day that she has been alive she has had a dummy by her side.
No nappies, no dummies. I have a BIG KID now.
Willow better stay in baby land for a while.
This morning she was very happy to find a little present and a certificate.
She’s sitting right next to me on the couch, breathing lightly, moving so effortlessly. Making me look at her, not want to move, just stay.
During the week we are incredibly busy so it’s nice to take a step back and chill. I’m finding this pace far too comfortable and more often not motivated to go out. I judge myself for this, it’s almost like this second baby was always here and life goes on but then I have this stop button. Like literally I just stop.
I don’t want to go out I just want to soak up this little baby stage for as long as I can cause before I know it she’ll be three and shocking me with swear words in context. But that is another story.
My beautiful Willow, you are too much of a delight to hang out with.